作为全球顶尖名校，哈佛大学的校报《The Harvard Crimson》每年都会发布当年成功申请哈佛大学的优秀文书。这些新鲜出炉的文书，对于今后的申请学生都有极大的参考意义。
我们已经为大家拆解分享了Lauren和Sarika以及Billy学生的文书，今天继续来赏析的是2024年哈佛大学录取的学生Orlee的Common essay。
01原文”
I’m hiding behind the swing door of the dressing room when I text my mom just one word: “Traumatizing!” I’m on a bra-shopping expedition with my grandmother, and just in case it’s not abundantly clear, this trip was Not. My. Idea. Bra shopping has always been shrouded in mystery for me, and growing up in a household with two moms and two younger sisters hasn’t helped one bit: One of my moms doesn’t wear bras; the other proudly proclaims that her bras are older than me. A two-mom family without the faintest idea what a teenage girl needs—par for the course around here.
So when my 78-year-old grandmother volunteered to take me bra shopping, my moms jumped at the chance. Here I was with my frugal grandmother, outlet-shopping among the racks of intimates that aren’t sized quite right, that have too much padding or too little…You can see my predicament, and it’s no surprise that my younger self was confused by the words “wire-free,” “concealing petals,” “balconette.”
The saleswoman called to my grandmother from across the store, “What cup size is she?”
“I don’t know,” my grandmother screamed back. “Can you measure her?”
Measure me? They have got to be kidding.
***
“I just don’t want her to feel different,” I heard my grandmother say later that day. “Kids this age can be so mean.”
I love my grandmother, but she believes the world is harsh and unforgiving, and she thinks that the only path to happiness is fitting in. My grandmother had taken me bra shopping in a last-ditch attempt to make me “normal” because I was entering 9th grade at Deerfield in a few weeks, and she worried that I would stick out worse than the underwire of a bargain basement bra.
It’s true—I’m not your typical Deerfield student. I’m a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents. I’m the kid with a congenital foot deformity, which means I literally can’t run, who will never be able to sprint across campus from classroom to classroom. I’m the kid with life-threatening food allergies to milk and tree nuts who can’t indulge in the pizza at swim team celebrations or the festive cake and ice cream during advisory meetings.
But fitting in was my grandmother’s worry, not mine. What my grandmother didn’t consider is that there’s no single way to fit in. I might be two minutes later to class than the sprinters, but I always arrive. I might have to explain to my friends what “having two moms” means, but I’ll never stop being thankful that Deerfield students are eager to lean in and understand. I may not be able to eat the food, but you can count on me to show up and celebrate.
While I can’t run, I can swim and play water polo, and I can walk the campus giving Admissions tours. My family might not look like everyone else’s, but I can embrace those differences and write articles for the school newspaper or give a talk at “School Meeting,” sharing my family and my journey. Some of my closest friendships at Deerfield have grown from a willingness on both sides to embrace difference.
On one of the first days of 9th grade, I sat down to write a “Deerfield Bucket List”—a list of experiences that I wanted to have during my four years in high school, including taking a Deerfield international trip and making the Varsity swim team. That list included thirteen items, and I’m eleven-thirteenths of the way there, not because I have the right bra, but because I’ve embraced the very thing that my grandmother was afraid of. Bra shopping is still shrouded in mystery for me, but I know that I am where I should be, I’m doing work that matters to me, and fitting in rarely crosses my mind.
02译文”
“我躲在更衣室的旋转门后面，给我妈妈发了一个字：“精神创伤！”我和我的祖母正在进行一次文胸采购之旅，以防我不是很清楚，这次旅行不是我的的想法。文胸购物对我来说一直是个谜，在一个有两个妈妈和两个妹妹的家庭里长大一点帮助都没有：我的一个妈妈不穿文胸；另一个自豪地宣称她的胸罩比我还老。一个有两个妈妈的家庭根本不知道一个十几岁的女孩需要什么，这在这里是很正常的。
因此，当我78岁的祖母自愿带我去买文胸时，我的妈妈们欣然接受了这个机会。这是我和节俭的祖母在奥特莱购物的场景，那些内衣的尺寸不太合适，衬垫太多或太少……你可以看到我的困境，毫不奇怪，年轻时的我被“无线”、“隐藏花瓣”、“阳台”这些词弄糊涂了。售货员隔着店对我奶奶喊道：“她的罩杯是多大的？”“我不知道，”祖母尖叫着回答。“你能给她量一下吗？”衡量我吗?他们一定是在开玩笑。
＊＊＊“我只是不想让她觉得与众不同，”那天晚些时候，我听到祖母说。“这个年龄的孩子太刻薄了。”我爱我的祖母，但她认为这个世界是残酷无情的，她认为通往幸福的唯一途径就是融入社会。祖母带我去买文胸，这是她最后的努力，想让我变得“正常”，因为再过几周我就要进入迪尔菲尔德（Deerfield）的九年级了，她担心我会比廉价地下室文胸的钢圈更难看。
这是真的，我不是典型的迪尔菲尔德学生。我是走读学生，妈妈是女同性恋她们的银行账户余额比迪尔菲尔德的普通父母少几个零。我是一个先天性足部畸形的孩子，这意味着我真的不能跑步，我永远无法在校园里从一个教室跑到另一个教室。
我是一个对牛奶和坚果有威胁生命的食物过敏的孩子，不能在游泳队的庆祝活动中尽情享受披萨，也不能在咨询会议上尽情享受节日蛋糕和冰淇淋。但融入社会是我祖母的问题，而不是我的。我祖母没有考虑到的是，融入社会并没有单一的方式。我上课可能比短跑运动员晚两分钟，但我总能到。我可能需要向我的朋友们解释“有两个妈妈”是什么意思，但我永远不会停止感激迪尔菲尔德的学生们渴望向前一步，理解他们。我可能不能吃这些食物，但你可以指望我出现和庆祝。
虽然我不能跑步，但我可以游泳和打水球，我还可以在校园里散步，带领招生人员参观。我的家庭可能和其他人的不一样，但我可以接受这些差异，为校报写文章，或者在“学校会议”上发表演讲，分享我的家庭和我的旅程。我在迪尔菲尔德的一些最亲密的友谊源于双方都愿意接受差异。
九年级开学的一天，我坐下来写了一张“迪尔菲尔德愿望清单”——一张我在高中四年里想要拥有的经历的清单，包括参加迪尔菲尔德国际旅行和加入大学游泳队。
这份清单包括13项，我已经完成了11 - 13项，不是因为我有合适的胸罩，而是因为我接受了我祖母所害怕的东西。文胸的购买对我来说仍然是一个谜，但我知道我应该在这里，我在做对我很重要的工作，我很少考虑如何融入。”
03赏析”
1.主题文章的核心主题是接纳和拥抱个人的独特性,而不是试图"融入"或符合他人的期望。作者通过个人经历展示了如何在看似不利的环境中找到自己的位置,并将差异转化为优势。
2.逻辑结构，文章的逻辑结构清晰且有说服力:
- 开篇设置场景:尴尬的购物经历引出主题。
- 铺陈背景:解释作者的家庭情况和个人特点。
- 转折:祖母的担忧与作者的实际经历形成对比。
- 论证:通过具体例子说明如何将差异转化为优势。
- 结论:重申主题,展示个人成长。
3.结构的优点:
- 连贯性:各部分紧密相连,推动叙事向前发展。
- 对比:有效使用对比手法,突出主题。
- 首尾呼应:开头的尴尬经历与结尾的自信形成鲜明对比,凸显个人成长。
4.内容的优点:
- 具体性:通过生动的细节和具体事例增强文章的真实感和说服力。
- 多维度:涵盖了家庭、身体、经济等多个方面的"差异"。
- 平衡:既坦诚地描述了困难,又展示了积极应对的态度。
5.情感表达，文章情感表达丰富而真挚:
开始时的尴尬和困惑——面对祖母担忧时的理解和坚定——描述个人成长时的自信和满足。同时，本篇文章在情感表达方面的优点是真实性、层次性和共鸣。情感表达自然,不做作，增强了文章的可信度；情感随着叙事发展而变化,展现了作者的成长过程，而且读者可以轻易理解和感受作者的情感变化。
总体来说，这篇文章通过个人叙事有力地传达了"拥抱差异"的主题。它结构清晰、内容丰富、情感真挚，既展示了作者的独特经历，又传达了普遍适用的人生哲理。文章不仅能引起读者的共鸣，还能激发他们思考自身的独特性及其价值。
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