哈佛优秀申请文书鉴赏第六篇(附专业文书点评)

文书是留学申请中非常重要的一环,哈佛大学每年会在官网公布一些优秀文书的范例,并附上专业的点评。本文中整理了一篇文书的原文和点评,供大家参考~

文书原文

I’ve been alone for three years now.

我一个人已经三年了。

My freshman year, my mother had to take a job as a live-in caregiver to make enough money to pay rent and other bills after my uncle got married and moved out. I was ecstatic. I could finally have the entire house to myself. I had imagined the countless hours on the PS4, nobody telling me to go to sleep or to go do my homework. I felt free. Unexpectedly, though, this freedom came at the expense of my childhood.

在我大一时,我的母亲不得不找一份住家保姆的工作,以赚取足够的钱来支付我叔叔结婚搬走后的房租和其他账单。我欣喜若狂。我终于可以独享整栋房子了。我曾想象过在PS4上度过的无数个小时,没有人告诉我去睡觉或去做作业。我感到自由。然而,出乎意料的是,这种自由是以牺牲我的童年为代价的。

To compensate for never being home, my mother called me three times a day. The first call would always be at 6:00 a.m, like clockwork. That was the call to wake me up so that I wouldn’t miss the bus and be late for school. Then there was the 4:00 p.m call where we went over anything and everything that happened in school that day. Lastly, there was the 7:00 p.m call which always seemed to last over an hour. This was the call that made me miss my mother the most. We labeled this call the “multi-purpose” call. Sometimes we would just talk about how we were both doing. Other times she would teach me things I needed to know, like how to do laundry, how to go grocery shopping, or how to cook. But one thing that she always seemed to bring up was how she wished things were different and how much she ached with the desire to be home with her son.

为了弥补永远不回家的遗憾,我母亲每天给我打三次电话。第一个电话总是在早上6点,就像时钟一样。那是叫醒我的电话,这样我就不会错过公共汽车,上学迟到。然后是下午4点的电话,我们把那天在学校发生的所有事情都说了一遍。最后,晚上7点的电话似乎总是持续一个多小时。这通电话让我最想念母亲。我们把这次通话称为“多用途”通话。有时我们只是聊聊我们俩过得怎么样。其他时候,她会教我一些我需要知道的事情,比如如何洗衣服,如何去杂货店购物,或者如何做饭。但有一件事她似乎总是提起,那就是她多么希望事情有所不同,多么渴望回家和儿子在一起。

That last call always weighed heavily on my heart. When around friends and their families, I would often put my head down and smile because their interactions would remind me so much of when my mother was with me every day. It made me miss her insurmountably, to the point where I began to despise every aspect of this “independence.” To me, it was loneliness, isolation, and nights laying in bed wishing I had a loved one in the house that I could talk to or hug. I was forced to become a man instead of living out my days as a kid. What hurt me the most, though, was knowing that my mother hated our situation even more than I did. She hated knowing her only child was growing up without her and it hurt her more than words could explain. She would always say how I was her pride and joy, but I’ve always thought of myself to be her hope, her hope for a better life.

那最后一通电话一直沉重地压在我心头。当我在朋友和他们的家人身边时,我经常会低下头微笑,因为他们的互动会让我想起妈妈每天和我在一起的时候。这让我无比想念她,以至于我开始鄙视这种“独立”的方方面面。对我来说,那是孤独、孤立,夜晚躺在床上,希望家里有一个我爱的人,我可以和他说话或拥抱。我被迫成为一个男人,而不是像个孩子一样度过余生。然而,最让我伤心的是,我知道母亲比我更讨厌我们的处境。她讨厌知道她唯一的孩子在没有她的情况下长大,这对她的伤害无法用语言来解释。她总是说我是她的骄傲和快乐,但我一直认为自己是她的希望,她过上更好生活的希望。

That is why I have worked so hard in school. My mother has dedicated and sacrificed years of her life to make sure that her son could live a great one, and all she has ever asked from me in return was to do well in school. There were numerous times when I felt discouraged and unmotivated, but the thought of letting down the woman that has broken her back for me was far stronger than any fatigue I may have felt.

这就是为什么我在学校如此努力的原因。我的母亲奉献和牺牲了她的生命,以确保她的儿子能够过上美好的生活,而她对我的唯一要求就是在学校里表现好。有无数次,我感到灰心丧气,没有动力,但一想到要让这个为我倾尽全力的女人失望,我的心情就比任何疲劳都强烈得多。

For three long years now, I have entered my house after school expecting nothing but silence and darkness. I lay in bed at night yearning to hear any sound at all that would signal that there was life in the house beside me. Then I wake up the next morning, get ready for school, and start the cycle all over again. I have almost gotten used to being alone. But I won’t let my story end here. The reason why I have worked myself so hard is so that things can be different for me and my mother. She always says that everything she’s doing now is for me and that when she gets old it’ll be my turn. Except when my turn comes, she will never have to be alone.

三年来,我每天放学回家,期待的只有寂静和黑暗。晚上,我躺在床上,渴望听到任何能表明我身边的房子里有生命的声音。然后我第二天早上醒来,准备去上学,然后再开始这样的循环。我几乎习惯了一个人。但我不会让我的故事就此结束。我这么努力工作的原因是为了让我和我妈妈的情况有所不同。她总是说她现在所做的一切都是为了我,等她老了就该轮到我了。除了轮到我的时候,她永远不会孤单。

文章整理自哈佛官网,作者为Michael

专业文书点评

Michael’s essay begins with a gripping hook, leaving the reader wondering why he is alone. He reveals his mother's sacrifices and his initial excitement at newfound freedom, which quickly turns into the burden of a lost childhood. The essay effectively uses the routine of their daily phone calls to highlight his deep connection with his mother and the pain of their separation.

迈克尔的文章以一个扣人心弦的钩子开头,让读者想知道他为什么孤独。他揭示了他母亲的牺牲和他最初对新获得的自由的兴奋,这很快变成了失去童年的负担。这篇文章有效地利用了他们日常通话的惯例,突出了他与母亲的深厚联系以及他们分离的痛苦。

Michael’s forced independence, unlike the typical chosen independence of college freshmen, emphasizes his resilience and maturity. Despite the emotional toll, he channels his determination into academic excellence, driven by his mother’s sacrifices and his desire to ensure a better future for both of them.

迈克尔被迫的独立,与典型的大学新生选择的独立不同,强调了他的适应力和成熟度。尽管在情感上付出了代价,但在母亲的牺牲和他确保他们俩都有更好未来的愿望的推动下,他将自己的决心投入到学业上。

This essay excels in presenting a clear and compelling narrative of personal growth under challenging circumstances beyond one’s control. Michael’s story demonstrates his maturity, resilience, and commitment, qualities that suggest he would thrive in a rigorous academic environment. His motivation and determination show he is not only ready for college but also has the potential to effect positive change in society. These are hallmarks of what Harvard seeks in potential students.

这篇文章擅长于在一个人无法控制的挑战环境下,清晰而引人注目地讲述个人的成长。迈克尔的故事展示了他的成熟、韧性和承诺,这些品质表明他会在一个严格的学术环境中茁壮成长。他的动机和决心表明,他不仅为上大学做好了准备,而且有可能对社会产生积极的影响。这些都是哈佛在潜在学生身上寻找的特征。

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