每年申请季结束后，哈佛大学校报The Crimson都会公布当年被哈佛大学录取新生的优秀文书。
近日，The Crimson公布了2024年度被哈佛大学录取的10篇优秀文书并进行了深入评述，这些文书展示了申请者独特的个性、显著的才能和坚定的价值观，涵盖了个人经历、家庭背景、兴趣爱好及面对挑战的勇气。
通过创造性和批判性思维，每篇文书以独特而深刻的方式展示了申请者的魅力和学术潜力。这些作品不仅吸引了招生官的目光，也为即将申请的同学们提供了灵感和理解哈佛招生标准的窗口。
来源：官网
01 Michael's Essay
I’ve been alone for three years now.
My freshman year, my mother had to take a job as a live-in caregiver to make enough money to pay rent and other bills after my uncle got married and moved out. I was ecstatic. I could finally have the entire house to myself. I had imagined the countless hours on the PS4, nobody telling me to go to sleep or to go do my homework. I felt free. Unexpectedly, though, this freedom came at the expense of my childhood.
To compensate for never being home, my mother called me three times a day. The first call would always be at 6:00 a.m, like clockwork. That was the call to wake me up so that I wouldn’t miss the bus and be late for school. Then there was the 4:00 p.m call where we went over anything and everything that happened in school that day. Lastly, there was the 7:00 p.m call which always seemed to last over an hour. This was the call that made me miss my mother the most. We labeled this call the “multi-purpose” call. Sometimes we would just talk about how we were both doing. Other times she would teach me things I needed to know, like how to do laundry, how to go grocery shopping, or how to cook. But one thing that she always seemed to bring up was how she wished things were different and how much she ached with the desire to be home with her son.
That last call always weighed heavily on my heart. When around friends and their families, I would often put my head down and smile because their interactions would remind me so much of when my mother was with me every day. It made me miss her insurmountably, to the point where I began to despise every aspect of this “independence.” To me, it was loneliness, isolation, and nights laying in bed wishing I had a loved one in the house that I could talk to or hug. I was forced to become a man instead of living out my days as a kid. What hurt me the most, though, was knowing that my mother hated our situation even more than I did. She hated knowing her only child was growing up without her and it hurt her more than words could explain. She would always say how I was her pride and joy, but I’ve always thought of myself to be her hope, her hope for a better life.
That is why I have worked so hard in school. My mother has dedicated and sacrificed years of her life to make sure that her son could live a great one, and all she has ever asked from me in return was to do well in school. There were numerous times when I felt discouraged and unmotivated, but the thought of letting down the woman that has broken her back for me was far stronger than any fatigue I may have felt.
For three long years now, I have entered my house after school expecting nothing but silence and darkness. I lay in bed at night yearning to hear any sound at all that would signal that there was life in the house beside me.Then I wake up the next morning, get ready for school, and start the cycle all over again. I have almost gotten used to being alone. But I won’t let my story end here. The reason why I have worked myself so hard is so that things can be different for me and my mother. She always says that everything she’s doing now is for me and that when she gets old it’ll be my turn. Except when my turn comes, she will never have to be alone.
招生官点评
Michael的申请文书以引人入胜的开端开始，让读者不禁想知道他为何独自一人。他透露为了生活，母亲找了一份住家保姆的工作，自己可以独享整栋房子。一开始他非常的欣喜若狂，但很快这种兴奋变成了失去童年的沉重负担。
这篇文章巧妙地利用他们日常的例行电话来突显他与母亲的深厚联系以及分离带来的痛苦。与大学新生选择的独立不同，Michael的被迫独立凸显了他的坚韧和成熟。尽管情感上承受了巨大压力，他将决心转化为学术上的卓越表现，受到母亲的牺牲和渴望确保他们俩有更好未来的驱使。
这篇文书在展现在无法控制的艰难环境中的个人成长故事方面表现突出且引人深思。Michael的故事展示了他的成熟、坚韧和承诺，这些品质显示出他在严谨的学术环境中将会茁壮成长。他的动机和决心不仅表明他已经准备好进入大学，还显示出他有潜力在社会上产生积极的影响。这些特质正是哈佛大学期望在申请学生身上看到的标志。
02 Marcus'Essay-The Zoo
As lateafternoon sunlight danced on my shoulders, I squished my eight-year-old faceagainst the glass of the outdoor tank, eyes wide and searching for any signs oflife. There! I scrambled from where I was seated, chasing the flickering sightof my prize. The otter darted away from me, his lithe body disappearing into acrack in the stones. I slumped against the wall, disappointed. Ever the HRrepresentative, my mother saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I explainedmy frustration with the otters -- they’re so fun to watch, but they refuse tobe seen. My mother leaned down, brushing a long lock of hair out of my face,and told me, “Sometimes, the animals get tired of being watched. They just wantto be left alone.”
I didn’tthink much of the otters after that. Until I became one.
InOctober of my sophomore year, I was four months into my transition from femaleto male. I wasn’t out to my extended family, my wardrobe was a haphazard messof cargo shorts and skirts, and my voice was still, to my distress, annoyinglyhigh. Being transgender at Middleton High School was no small feat -- I stuckout in a sea of over 2,000 cisgender peers, and most of my teachers did notknow how to deal with people “in my situation,” as one put it.
One day,as I walked to my bus after school, I heard snickers from behind me. I turnedaround and saw a rowdy group of boys. One had his phone up, recording me.Everyone was laughing, and in an instant I knew they were laughing at me. Iturned and walked away, doing my best to conceal myself from their view. Thelaughter continued.
I wasthe star of a humiliating show that I never asked to be a part of. I had becomethe otter. Their laughs kept ringing in my ears as I sat alone on the bus. I wantedto crawl inside myself and implode rather than think about going back to facethem again the next day. My phone kept buzzing, but I refused to check it. Itwas only when I arrived home and checked those messages that I found that thevideo had been posted across social media for hundreds of my peers to see. Itseemed like nothing, just a video of me walking, turning, and looking away. Buttheir laughs were clear in the background, and I still understood the point ofthe video -- look at the freak. Look at the new zoo exhibit.
Seeingthat video, I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to turn into what they sawme as. They wanted an otter, a punching bag that wouldn’t fight back. I was notgoing to be their otter. The next day, I went to my first Sexuality and GenderEquality club meeting. I spoke to the administration about what had happened. Isaved the video and showed people. I took control.
Thoseboys wanted me to believe that I was merely an exhibit to be laughed at, butnow I know I live for greater things. I live for lattes, for courtroom closingarguments, for the pesto I make at work. I live for Black Lives Matter and#enough and Pride. I live for kayaking and summer camp, for the kids in SAGEand my younger sister. My classmates tried to dehumanize me, trample me, andmold me into their image of transgender people. Maybe they’ll never see me asan equal, but that is their blindness, not mine. I do not live on display. I donot live in a zoo.
招生官点评
Marcus在这篇发人深省的申请文书中，出色地创造了一个深刻、内省和充满胜利的个人成长故事，重点关注“身份认同”和“克服障碍”。
讨论这两个主题可能有风险，但他巧妙地将它们编织在一起。每一段都独立成篇，是对Marcus旅程的精彩洞察，用美丽的创意散文写成——从童年的困惑（与水獭的相遇），到未来的自我发现和孤立（他成为水獭），再到自我接受和决心（他不会被欺负），最终到胜利（他对生活的热情和热爱）。
在第一至第二段，Marcus关于动物园水獭的个人趣事非常有效地框定了他从性别认同为异性到变性人的复杂转变过程。他母亲关于水獭自我隔离的智慧照亮了故事的基础，预示了后续的发展。Marcus将自己与曾在动物园看到的水獭进行对比，这激发了我继续阅读下去的兴趣。
第三段有效地突出了他在高中时期过渡中所经历的困难——他的出柜经历、服装、高音调的声音以及与学术教职员的挑战。这些例子帮助读者理解他的困境。第四和第五段描绘了Marcus意识到自己如今已成为动物园水獭的自我认识——一个展品，“怪物”，这是他从未想要成为的。
他讲述了在高中遭受欺凌和公开羞辱的悲惨经历，这些使他感到悲伤、孤立，并质疑自己的自我价值。Marcus的坦率引发了真实的情感，我对他深感同情。“顿悟”时刻出现在第六段，Marcus深刻地反思和意识到，他不会再成为笑柄，而是变革的推动者。他通过参加俱乐部会议并与学校教职员交流，“掌控”了自己的命运。
第七段展示了胜利的赞歌，Marcus详细描述了他的喜悦、自我接受和现在的自己。他热爱咖啡、法律、他的工作、皮划艇、他的姐妹、黑人的命也和性别关联。他通过理解到他无法改变他人的无知，但可以过着充满目的和激情的生活作为他新的自我，向读者传达了一条真诚的信息，也可能是给像他一样的其他人的信息。
总的来说，这篇成功的申请文书带领读者走进了一个生动、感人且结构完整的旅程，分享了作者独特的经历，以及这些经历为他的成长和成熟带来的重要性。
03 Sarika'sEssay-I, Too, Can Dance
I was inlove with the way the dainty pink mouse glided across the stage, her tututwirling as she pirouetted and her rose-colored bow following the motion of heroutstretched arms with every grand jeté.
I hadalways dreamed I would dance, and Angelina Ballerina made it seem so easy.There was something so freeing about the way she wove her body into thedelicate threads of the Sugar Plum Fairy’s song each time she performed anarabesque. I longed for my whole being to melt into the magical melodies ofmusic; I longed to enchant the world with my own stories; and I longed for thesmile that glimmered on every dancer’s face.
Atrecess, my friends and I would improvise dances. But while they seemed well ontheir way to achieving ballerina status, my figure eights were more like zeroesand every attempt at spinning around left me feeling dizzy. Sometimes, I evenran over my friends’ toes. How could I share my stories with others if Imanaged to injure them with my wheelchair before the story even began?
I thentried piano, but my fingers stumbled across the keys in an uncoordinatedstaccato tap dance of sorts. I tried art, but the clumsiness of my brush leftthe canvas a colorful mess. I tried the recorder, but had Angelina existed inreal life, my rendition of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” would have frozen her inmidair, with flute-like screeches tumbling through the air before ending in anawkward split and shattering the gossamer world the Sugar Plum Fairy had workedso hard to build.
For aslong as I could remember, I’d also been fascinated by words, but I’d neverexplored writing until one day in fourth grade, the school librarian announceda poetry contest. That night, as I tried to sleep, ideas scampered through myhead like Nutcracker mice awakening a sleeping Clara to a mystical new world.By morning, I had choreographed the mice to tell a winning story in verse aboutall the marvelous outer space factoids I knew.
Now, mypencil pirouettes perfect O’s on paper amidst sagas of doting mothers andevanescent lovers. The tip of my pen stipples the lines of my notebook with thetale of a father’s grief, like a ballerina tiptoeing en pointe; as the manfinds solace in nature, the ink flows gracefully, and for a moment, it leapsoff the page, as if reaching out to the heavens to embrace his daughter’s soul.Late at night, my fingers tap dance across the keys of my laptop, tap taptapping an article about the latest breakthrough in cancer research—maybe LDCTscans or aneuploidy-targeted therapy could have saved the daughter’s life; aSpanish poem about the beauty of unspoken moments; and the story of a girl in awheelchair who learned how to dance.
As theworld sleeps, I lose myself in the cathartic cadences of fresh ink, burstingwith stories to be told and melting into parched paper. I cobble togetherphrases until they spring off my tongue, as if the Sugar Plum Fairy herself hastransformed the staccato rumblings of my brain into something legato and sweet.I weave my heart, my soul, my very being into my words as I read them out loud,until they become almost like a chant. With every rehearsal, I search for theperfect finale to complete my creation. When I finally find it, eyes dry withmidnight-induced euphoria, I remember that night so many years ago when Idiscovered the magic of writing, and smile.
I maynot dance across the stage like Angelina Ballerina, but I can dance across thepage.
I, too,can dance.
招生官点评
Sarika巧妙地描述了她是如何从希望像虚构角色安吉丽娜·芭蕾娜一样跳舞，到最终通过写作找到深刻满足和表达自我的过程。
文章开头详细描述了Sarika早期对舞蹈的迷恋，这种兴趣是由她在电视上看到的动画表演引发的。然而，我们了解到，她最初试图模仿这些舞蹈动作时，由于坐轮椅的身体限制而遇到了困难，这使她的年少目标变得复杂和沮丧。尽管遇到这些困难，Sarika的故事充满了坚韧和独创性。
她在其他艺术媒介上的经历，如绘画和钢琴，也遵循着类似的模式：最初的热情后来意识到自己的身体局限性。然而，这些努力被呈现为逐步前进的阶梯，每一个都增强了她的动力，并引导她朝着一个她可能真正成功的领域前进。当Sarika发现写作时，她的故事有了戏剧性的转折。这种意识不仅是一种慰藉，也是她发现自己声音的胜利。
写作成为她的舞台，文字让她能够优雅地移动，讲述故事和表达概念，就像表演者在舞台上展示的那样优雅和流畅。Sarika用与舞蹈相关的意象来描述她的写作过程，比如她的铅笔“旋转”和她的叙述“从页面上跃然而出”，有效地对比了舞蹈和写作之间的联系。
Sarika深刻的反思和她成熟的认识到艺术表达可以有多种形式，正是使她的文章如此动人的地方。她传达了接受自己能力并探索多种艺术表达途径的强烈信息。当文书接近结尾时，Sarika已经接受了她的命运，甚至开始喜欢它。她在深夜键盘的节奏敲击中找到了快乐，创作出那些像经过精心编排的舞蹈一样优雅而复杂的故事。
04 Billy'sEssay
As Irode up and down the gentle slopes of the Peabody skatepark, I watched myyounger brother race down from the highest point on the halfpipe and fly pastme at the speed of light. I wish I could do that, I thought, eyeing theenormous curve that towered over me. But I didn’t dare make my way up to thetop. Instead, I stuck with the routine I was comfortable with, avoiding thesteep inclines at all costs.
Eachweek during the summer before my fourth grade year, my brother and I wouldvisit that same skatepark, and I would take my mini-BMX bike to the bottom ofthat monstrous ramp, ready to attack the giant. I started off low reaching onlya quarter of the way up at first, too scared to go any higher. But each week, Igained more confidence and kept reaching greater heights. Halfway there,two-thirds, three quarters. Until finally, I mustered up enough courage tocomplete my final challenge.
With mybrother’s shouts of joy ringing in my ears, it seemed as though the concretemass was calling my name, drawing me closer and closer, until I couldn’t resistits pleading any further. I walked my bike up the stairs and approached thesteep drop off. My hands started to sweat and my legs began to shake as Iinched toward the edge, staring in the face of doom. Finally at the lip of theramp, I paused briefly, took a deep breath, and moved forward just enough tosend myself speeding downwards. I couldn’t contain my excitement as my, “Woooo!”echoed around the park. I had finally ridden down the tallest ramp!
Throughoutmy life I have enjoyed having a plan and being in control. When working in agroup, I make sure that everyone knows exactly which aspect of the project theywill complete. I organize all my homework in a planner so that I never miss adue date. Each night, I outline my schedule for the following day so that Iknow what meetings, sports events, and other activities I have to attend. WhenI visited New York City over the summer, I prepared a detailed itinerary tofollow. Rarely is there a day when I don’t have a general idea of what I’mgoing to do, but sometimes my plan doesn’t correlate with how the day trulyplays out.
Over theyears, I have learned to adapt when situations take an unexpected turn, and,similar to that time at the skatepark, I have been able to step out of mycomfort zone more often. It isn’t the end of the world when things don’t goexactly as planned; often times, sudden changes and new experiences make for amore enjoyable and interesting time. As much as I enjoy a strict itinerary,some of my best nights have begun by hopping in the car with my friends,picking a direction, and going wherever the wind takes us. As hard as I try toplan out my day, an unforeseen event is almost inevitable. Although this canbring about some stress, scrambling around to figure things out is not only anessential skill, but can be a fun challenge, too.
I can’timagine a completely organized life without a little uncertainty. Unexpectedcircumstances are bound to occur, and making the most of them is one of myfavorite parts of life. Regardless of how much I love having a plan, myflexibility and willingness to step out of my comfort zone is something I haveand will always take pride in.
招生官点评
Billy的文书写了自己“在皮博迪滑板场征服巨大坡道”的故事。
乍一看有些平平无奇的素材，为何能提升他的候选资格？原因在于申请是一个整体，必须考虑到全部材料和背景。Billy承认自己是一个超级组织的行程制定者，一直喜欢掌控一切。
四年级的Billy骑着他的BMX车进入这个滑板公园的场景，与他广泛的课外领导经历和雄心勃勃的环境工程志向完全相反。尽管没有明确说出来，Billy的文章向我们展示了他那自由度极高的童年夏季与他高中时期严格安排的生活方式是多么不同。虽然这似乎已经是很久以前的事了，但Billy并没有忘记那种逐渐接近边缘，凝视着厄运的面孔，并勇敢放手的感觉。
事实上，即使是八年后的现在，每当Billy按下目标导向追求的暂停键，花些时间，抛开顾虑，与朋友们开始一次即兴的公路冒险，这段记忆仍然鲜活如昨。Billy的故事平衡了一个可能在缺乏这种经历时显得过于谨慎或僵化的申请背景，展示了他对过度依赖计划可能带来的机会成本的自我认识。
05 Daniella'sEssay
Eachtime I bake cookies, they come out differently. Butter, sugar, eggs, flour — Imeasure with precision, stir with vigor, then set the oven to 375°F. The recipeis routine, yet hardly redundant.
After ablizzard left me stranded indoors with nothing but a whisk and a pantry full ofthe fundamentals, I made my first batch: a tray of piping hot chocolatechunkers whose melt-in-the-mouth morsels comforted my snowed-in soul. Such aflawless description, however, belies my messy process. In reality, my methodwas haphazard and carefree, the cookies a delicious fortuity that has sincebeen impossible to replicate.
Eachsubsequent batch I make is a gamble. Will the cookies flatten and come outcrispy? Stay bulbous and gooey? Am I a bad baker, or are they inherentlycapricious? Even with a recipe book full of suggestions, I can never place afinger on my mistake. The cookies are fickle and short-tempered. Baking them islike walking on eggshells — and I have an empty egg carton to prove it. Perhapsbeginner’s luck had been the secret ingredient all along.
Yet,curiosity keeps me flipping to the same page in my recipe book. I becameengrossed in perfecting the cookies not by the mechanical satisfaction ofwatching ingredients combine into batter, but by the chance to wonder atsimplicity. The inconsistency is captivating. It is, after all, a strictrecipe, identical ingredients combined in the same permutation. How can suchorthodox steps yield such radical, unpredictable results? Even with the mostformulaic tasks, I am questioning the universe.
Chemistryexplains some of the anomaly. For instance, just a half-pinch extra of bakingsoda can have astounding ramifications on how the dough bubbles. The kitchenbecame my laboratory: I diaried each trial like a scientist; I bought a scalefor more accurate measurements; I borrowed “On Food and Cooking: the Scienceand Lore of the Kitchen” from the library. But all to no avail — the variablesrefused to come together in any sort of equilibrium.
I thenapproached the problem like a pianist, taking the advice my teacher wrote inthe margins of my sheet music and pouring it into the mixing bowl. There are 88pitches on a keyboard, and there are a dozen ingredients in the recipe. Tocreate a rhapsodic dessert, I needed to understand all of the melodic andharmonic lines and how they complemented one another. I imagined the recipe inItalian script, the chocolate chips as quick staccatos suspended in a thickadagio medium. But my fingers always stumbled at the coda of each performance,the details of the cookies turning to a hodgepodge of sound.
I whisk,I sift, I stir, I pre-heat the oven again, but each batch has its flaws, eithertoo sweet, burnt edges, grainy, or underdone. Though the cookies were born ofboredom, their erratic nature continues to fascinate me. Each time my effortsyield an imperfect result, I develop resilience to return the following weekwith a fresh apron, ready to try again. I am mesmerized by the quirks of eachtrial. It isn’t enough to just mix and eat — I must understand.
Mycreative outlook has kept the task engaging. Despite the repetition in myprocess, I find new angles that liven the recipe. In college and beyond, therewill be things like baking cookies, endeavors that seem so unvaried they riskspoiling themselves to a housewife’s drudgery. But from my time in the kitchen,I have learned how to probe deeper into the mechanics of my tasks, to bringmusic into monotony, and to turn work into play. However the cookie crumbles inmy future, I will approach my work with curiosity, creativity, and earnestness.
招生官点评
做饼干、做饭的选材在文书中已经很普遍了，但这并不意味着它不能出彩。
Daniella的文章可爱、有趣且有效。它真实而自然地展示了她的不同面，展示了她如何解决问题以及她所重视的价值观。文章主题的平凡性与她的结论和见解完美契合。她运用幽默，展示了她的坚韧、创造力、智慧好奇心和对哲学思考的真实倾向。她的“声音”自信，用词富有创意，每段的词汇巧妙地反映了她的不同侧面（科学家“记录每一次试验”；音乐家尝试创作“悦耳的甜点”）。
详述Daniella制作饼干的几个段落也非常强大。她用感官细节停留，让人共鸣（你可以闻到、尝到和感受到那些巧克力块）。她没有过多提及自己的各种证书或经历，而是以此结构大胆而谦逊地展示了自己的思维方式、解决问题的能力和毅力。这非常有力量。
略有不足的是，这篇文章有618个字（标准限制为650字）。Daniella本可以利用额外的字数来丰富第三段的内容。
06 Michelle'sEssay
Fish Outof Water:
idiom. aperson who is in an unnatural environment; completely out of place.
When Iwas ten, my dad told me we were moving to somewhere called"Eely-noise." The screen flashed blue as he scrolled through 6000miles of water on Google Earth to find our new home. Swipe, swipe, swipe, andthere it was: Illinois, as I later learned.
Movingto America was like going from freshwater into saltwater. Not only did my momcomplain that American food was too salty, but I was helplessly caught in anestuary of languages, swept by daunting tides of tenses, articles, andhomonyms. It’s not a surprise that I developed an intense, breathless kind ofthirst for what I now realize is my voice and self-expression.
Thismade sense because the only background I had in English was “Konglish”--anunhealthy hybrid of Korean and English--and broken phrases I picked up fromSpongeBob. As soon as I stepped into my first class in America, I realized thegravity of the situation: I had to resort to clumsy pantomimes, or what Ieuphemistically called body language, to convey the simplest messages. Schoolbecame an unending game of pictionary.
Amid thedizzying pool of vowels and phonemes and idioms (why does spilling beans endfriendships?), the only thing that made sense was pictures and diagrams.Necessarily, I soon became interested in biology as its textbook had thehighest picture-to-text ratio. Although I didn’t understand all the ant-likecaptions, the colorful diagrams were enough to catch my illiterate attention: agreen ball of chyme rolling down the digestive tract, the rotor of the ATPsynthase spinning like a waterwheel. Biology drew me with its ELL-friendlinessand never let go.
I laterlearned in biology that when a freshwater fish goes in saltwater, itosmoregulates--it drinks a lot of water and urinates less. This used to holdtrue for my school day, when I constantly chugged water to fill awkwardsilences and lubricate my tongue to form better vowels. This habit in turnbecame a test of English-speaking and bladder control: I constantly missed thetiming to go to the bathroom by worrying about how to ask. The only times Icould express myself were through my fingers, between the pages of Debussy andunder my pencil tip. To fulfill my need for self-expression and communication,I took up classical music, visual art, and later, creative writing. To thisday, I will never forget the ineffable excitement when I delivered a concerto,finished a sculpture, and found beautiful words that I could not pronounce. Ifbiology helped me understand, art helped me be understood.
There’ssomething human, empathetic, even redemptive about both art and biology. Whilethey helped me reconcile with English and my new home, their power to connectand heal people is much bigger than my example alone. In college and beyond, Iwant to pay them forward, whether by dedicating myself to scientific research,performing in benefit concerts, or simply sharing the beauty of the arts.Sometimes, language feels slippery like fish on my tongue. But knowing thatthere are things that transcend language grounds and inspires me. Englishseeped into my tongue eventually, but I still pursue biology and arts with thesame, perhaps universal, exigency and sincerity: to understand and to beunderstood.
Over theyears, I have come to acknowledge and adore my inner fish, that confused,tongue-twisted and home-sick ELL kid from the other side of the world, whichwill forever coexist within me. And I’ve forgiven English, although I still can’tpronounce words like “rural,” because it gifted me with new passions to lookforward to every day. Now, when I see kids with the same breathless look that Iused to have gasping for home water, Don’t worry, I want to tell them.
You’llfind your water.
招生官点评
Michelle的文章为读者呈现了一个生动而风趣的旅程，描述了他们作为移民适应伊利诺伊州新生活的经历（Eely-noise！）。
尽管一些移民经历的文章可能显得老套，但Michelle巧妙地运用“水中之鱼”的比喻来连接他们对生物学和艺术的热情，以及逐步掌握英语的挣扎。文章的独特之处在于Michelle坦率而幽默地描述了每天与语言斗争的经历，从最初使用“笨拙的比手画脚”来表示上厕所的意图，到发现美丽新词汇时的“难以言喻的兴奋”，展示了Michelle最终成长为能够流利运用英语的文笔娴熟的写作者。
Michelle在这篇文章中展示了自己广泛的热情，涵盖了音乐、艺术和生物学，但最令人印象深刻的是米她对适应美国生活和文化的细致和内省的记录。显然，Michelle热爱写作，乐于找到合适的词语来表达思想，展示了她坚韧的精神和对学习的热爱。
Michelle对成长为一名作家和艺术家的真诚热情贯穿全文，温暖和幽默感染力十足。通过这些杰出的申请文书，大家可以深刻领会到哈佛大学招生官在寻找什么样的学生。这些文书展示了不同的风格和主题，但无一例外地展现了申请者的独特个性和特质。
这不仅为正在准备申请的学生提供了宝贵的参考，也激励他们在自己的文书中真实地展现自己。通过借鉴这些成功案例，学生们可以更好地理解如何通过文字表达自己的成长、热情、创造力和批判性思维，从而在竞争激烈的申请过程中脱颖而出，成功迈入自己梦想中的学府。
07 Lauren'sEssay
Lunchand recess were opportunities to ‘play’ Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd, so wemurdered our friends. We’d bake the dead into meat pies and screamcacophonously, “WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE!” Nine-year-old me even teased my hair,donned my Mrs. Lovett costume for Halloween, and rambled on about Australianpenal colonies and how dead fiddle players make for “stringy” meat. You cannotimagine my disappointment when everybody thought I was Frankenstein’s Bride.
LikeGypsy Rose Lee, my siblings and I spent our formative years at rehearsals andperformances, where I was indoctrinated into the cult that worships Sondheim.In our household, Sondheimian theatre was a religion (I’m not sure how I feelabout God, but I do believe in Sondheim.) My brother and I read Sondheim’sautobiography, Finishing the Hat, like the bible, reading the book cover tocover and returning to page one the moment we finished. At six, he introducedme to Sondheim’s West Side Story, which illustrates the harms of poverty andsystematic racism. Initially, I only appreciated Jerome Robbins’ choreography(Sorry, Mr. Shakespeare). When I revisited the musical years later, I had avisceral reaction as I witnessed young adults engaging in deadly gangrivalries. Experiencing Tony’s gruesome death forced me, a middle-classsuburbanite, to feel the devastating effects of inner-city violence, and mybelief in the need for early intervention programs to prevent urban gunviolence was born.
I beganto discover political and historical undertones in all of Sondheim’s work. Forexample, Assassins whirlwinds from the Lincoln era up to Reagan’s Presidency.Originally, I simply thought it was hysterical to belt Lynette Fromme’s loveballad to Charles Manson. Later, I realized how much history I had unknowinglyretained from this musical. The song “November 22, 1963” reflects on America’smost notorious assassination attempts, and alludes to each assassin beingmotivated by a desperate attempt to connect to a specific individual or cultureto gain control over their life. Assassins awakened me to the flaws in some ofour quintessential American ideals because the song “Everybody’s Got the Right”illustrates how the American individualism enshrined in our Constitution can betwisted to support hate, harm, and entitlement. I internalized Sondheim’spolitical commentary, and I see its relevance in America's most pressingissues. The misconstrued idea of limitless freedom can be detrimental to publichealth, worsening issues such as the climate crisis, gun violence, and thecoronavirus pandemic. These existential threats largely stem from antiquatedideas that the rights of the few outweigh the rights of the majority.Ironically, a musical about individuals who tried to dismantle our Americanpolitical system sparked my political interests, but this speaks to the powerof Sondheim’s music and my ability to make connections and draw inspirationfrom unlikely sources.
Absorbinghistorical and political commentary set to music allows my statistical andlogical brain to better empathize with the characters, giving me a deeperunderstanding of the conflicts portrayed on stage, almost like reading a diary.Theatremakers are influenced by both history and their life experiences. Iinternalize their underlying themes and values, and my mindset shifts toreflect the art that I adore. I’m an aspiring political changemaker, andSondheim’s musicals influence my political opinions by enabling me to empathizewith communities living drastically different lives from my own.
I sangSondheim melodies before I could talk. As I grew intellectually andemotionally, Sondheim’s musicals began to carry more weight. With each viewing,I retained new historical and political information. This ritual drives me tocontinue studying Sondheim and enables me to confidently walk my own pathbecause Sondheim’s work passively strengthens my ethics as I continue toextrapolate relevant life lessons from his melodies. Sondheim’s stories, withtheir complex, morally ambiguous characters, have solidified my ironclad set ofmorals which, together with my love of history, have blossomed into a passionfor human rights and politics.
招生官点评
Lauren的文章非常引人注目。从第一句话开始，她在一个以《理发师陶德》为主题的课间游戏中欢快地“杀害”朋友，你就被吸引住了。这不是你平常见到的个人文书；这是一个充满了对桑德海姆的狂热童年时光的疯狂之旅。在这个世界里，“戏剧就是一种宗教”，而《完成帽子》则是她的圣经。
这篇文章脱颖而出的地方在于Lauren毫不掩饰的激情。她不仅仅是喜欢音乐剧。《西区故事》实际上引发了她深刻的情感反应，并塑造了她的智力成长。Lauren描述了这些音乐剧的政治背景如何点燃了她对社会正义的热情。她展现了一个既有分析能力又富有创造力的思维，将历史歌曲与现代问题如枪支暴力和疫情联系在一起。
这正是我们鼓励学生做的事情——让你的激情闪耀。
你的大学申请文书是展示真实声音的最佳场所。因此，请确保选择一个你真正投入的话题。这种激情会是具有感染力的，它会给读者留下深刻的印象。
Lauren还很好地保持了一种平易近人和可爱的语调（“我不确定自己对上帝有什么感觉，但我确实相信桑德海姆”）。她成功地将对桑德海姆作品的热爱与成为政治变革者的愿望联系起来。这种激情和目标的对齐是令人信服的，也是她成为哈佛强有力候选人的原因。
08Orlee's Essay
I’m hiding behind the swing door of the dressing room when I text my mom just one word: “Traumatizing!” I’m on a bra-shopping expedition with my grandmother, and just in case it’s not abundantly clear, this trip was Not. My. Idea. Bra shopping has always been shrouded in mystery for me, and growing up in a household with two moms and two younger sisters hasn’t helped one bit: One of my moms doesn’t wear bras; the other proudly proclaims that her bras are older than me. A two-mom family without the faintest idea what a teenage girl needs—par for the course around here.
So when my 78-year-old grandmother volunteered to take me bra shopping, my moms jumped at the chance. Here I was with my frugal grandmother, outlet-shopping among the racks of intimates that aren’t sized quite right, that have too much padding or too little…You can see my predicament, and it’s no surprise that my younger self was confused by the words “wire-free,” “concealing petals,” “balconette.”
The saleswoman called to my grandmother from across the store, “What cup size is she?”
“I don’t know,” my grandmother screamed back. “Can you measure her?”
Measure me? They have got to be kidding.
***
“I just don’t want her to feel different,” I heard my grandmother say later that day. “Kids this age can be so mean.”
I love my grandmother, but she believes the world is harsh and unforgiving, and she thinks that the only path to happiness is fitting in. My grandmother had taken me bra shopping in a last-ditch attempt to make me “normal” because I was entering 9th grade at Deerfield in a few weeks, and she worried that I would stick out worse than the underwire of a bargain basement bra.
It’s true—I’m not your typical Deerfield student. I’m a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents. I’m the kid with a congenital foot deformity, which means I literally can’t run, who will never be able to sprint across campus from classroom to classroom. I’m the kid with life-threatening food allergies to milk and tree nuts who can’t indulge in the pizza at swim team celebrations or the festive cake and ice cream during advisory meetings.
But fitting in was my grandmother’s worry, not mine. What my grandmother didn’t consider is that there’s no single way to fit in. I might be two minutes later to class than the sprinters, but I always arrive. I might have to explain to my friends what “having two moms” means, but I’ll never stop being thankful that Deerfield students are eager to lean in and understand. I may not be able to eat the food, but you can count on me to show up and celebrate.
While I can’t run, I can swim and play water polo, and I can walk the campus giving Admissions tours. My family might not look like everyone else’s, but I can embrace those differences and write articles for the school newspaper or give a talk at “School Meeting,” sharing my family and my journey. Some of my closest friendships at Deerfield have grown from a willingness on both sides to embrace difference.
On one of the first days of 9th grade, I sat down to write a “Deerfield Bucket List”—a list of experiences that I wanted to have during my four years in high school, including taking a Deerfield international trip and making the Varsity swim team. That list included thirteen items, and I’m eleven-thirteenths of the way there, not because I have the right bra, but because I’ve embraced the very thing that my grandmother was afraid of. Bra shopping is still shrouded in mystery for me, but I know that I am where I should be, I’m doing work that matters to me, and fitting in rarely crosses my mind.
招生官点评Common App的申请文书允许你以自己的声音直接与招生官沟通，分享重要的个人特质和对自己核心的深刻洞察，展示你将如何丰富学院的社区。在选择话题时，要牢记到目前为止，招生官听到的关于你的信息都是来自别人而非你自己。现在，这是你展示真正个性、展示你将如何与即将到来的新生群体契合的机会。在这篇文章中，我们遇到了Orlee，她正在和关爱备至的祖母一起购买胸罩。
Orlee毫不犹豫地让我们突然进入一个尴尬、“令人心碎”的时刻，这是她勇敢选择分享的。仅仅在几秒钟内，我们还了解到她有两位自称“时尚不敏感”的妈妈。这还只是第一段，但我已经开始喜欢她了。考虑到每篇文书只有几分钟的平均阅读时间，招生官希望知道这篇文章将会如何发展。一开始，我们了解到Orlee的祖母对世界的看法是“严酷且无情”的，她对Orlee保护有加，并建议帮助Orlee融入社交圈，以便被视为“正常”。
起初，我们以为这篇文章是关于青少年的焦虑，但在一个意想不到的转折中，Orlee迅速告诉我们，她祖母对她融入社交圈的担忧既不是不合理的，也不是没有根据的。Orlee透露她有一种先天性的足部畸形限制了她跑步的能力，以及严重的、可能危及生命的食物过敏。现在她吸引了我们的注意力，她巧妙地编织进她日常生活的更多片段，展示了她在困难时刻选择勇敢面对的能力。她直接而乐观地描述自己的生活，不是为了感情上的操控，而是展示她的积极态度。
我们了解到她的坚持不懈，她总是乐于接受挑战。她展示了如何为自己创造空间，以便被纳入，她理直气壮地没有请求许可或因她的身体挑战而道歉。Orlee意识到他人可能会因为她明显的身体挑战而迅速将她归类，她立即让我们关注她可以在校园上贡献的许多优点，提供了几个清晰的例子，展示了她如何积极参与并超越他人的负面看法。
她设定了激励人心的生活目标，她高中时期的愿望清单几乎已经完成。这位学生不害怕去追求并实现她的目标。她只是在过着她最好的生活，我为她加油！这篇文章成功的原因在于它告诉了我们Orlee是谁，她如何茁壮成长，她珍视朋友和队友，将把同样的能量带入她的大学社区。
她聪明、好奇、自信且善良。她设定目标并制定愿景以支持她的世界观。“适应别人很少会跨越她的脑海。”这是她的故事，也是她被录取的原因！
09Clara's Essay
My nightstand is home to a small menagerie of critters, each glass-eyed specimen lovingly stuffed with cotton. Don’t get the wrong idea, now – I’m not a taxidermist or anything. I crochet.
Crochet is a family tradition. My grandmother used to wield her menacing steel hook like a mage’s staff and tout it as such: an instrument that bestowed patience, decorum, and poise on its owner. During her youth in Vietnam, she spent her evenings designing patterns for ornate doilies and handkerchiefs. Then the Vietnam War turned our family into refugees. The Viet Cong imprisoned my grandfather, a colonel in the South Vietnam Air Force, in a grueling labor camp for thirteen years. Many wives would have lost hope, but my grandmother was no average woman. A literature professor in a time when women’s access to education was limited, she assumed the role of matriarch with wisdom and confidence, providing financial and emotional security. As luxuries like yarn grew scarce, she conjured up all sorts of useful household items – durable pillowcases, blankets, and winter coats – and taught my mother to do the same. Because of these bitter wartime memories, she wanted my handiwork to be of a decidedly less practical bent; among the first objects she taught me to crochet were chrysanthemums and roses. However, making flowers bloom from yarn was no easy task.
Even with its soft plastic grip and friendly rounded edges, my first crochet hook had a mind of its own, like the enchanted broom in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” It stubbornly disobeyed my orders as I impatiently wrenched it through the yarn. My grandmother’s stern appraisal of my efforts often interrupted this perpetual tug-of-war: My stitches were uneven. The edges curled inward. I would unravel my work and start anew.
I convinced myself that cobbling together a lopsided rectangle would be the pinnacle of my crochet prowess but refused to give up. Just as a diligent wizard casts more advanced spells over time, I learned to channel the magic of the crochet hook. The animal kingdom is my main source of inspiration; the diversity and vivid pigmentation of life on Earth lend themselves perfectly to the vibrant and versatile art of crochet. Many of the animals I make embark on migratory journeys, like their real-life counterparts. Take Agnes, for example, a cornflower-blue elephant named after mathematician Maria Gaetana Agnesi who lives in my calculus teacher’s classroom, happily grazing on old pencil shavings and worksheets. As I fasten off the final stitches on every creature, I hope to weave a little whimsy and color into someone’s life.
Each piece I finish reminds me of the network of stitches that connects mother and daughter, past and present, tradition and innovation. In this vast cultural web, I am proud to be my family’s link between East and West. As I preparefor adulthood, I am eager to weave my own mark into the great patchwork quilt that is America.
招生官点评
Clara的文章将她的声音、家庭历史和现在的性格巧妙地融入一个感人而有效的叙述中。
文章的开头引人入胜。通过生动、具体的词汇选择（“玻璃眼标本的床头柜”），文章展示了Clara的幽默（“不是一个动物标本制作者”）。与此同时，迅速地引出了主题：crocheting钩针编织。
接着，文章采用了“以小见大”的手法提高了故事的悬念。编织不仅仅是一种爱好：它是Clara的家庭在越战期间的传统。虽然Clara提到了家庭经历的残酷现实，但她迅速把焦点转回了自己。这是许多学生容易忽略的一点：无论你过去有多么艰难，你的文章必须关注你现在。
接着，文章为我们展示了她的性格。Clara不会因失败而气馁，也不会因为某事很艰难就放弃。通过专注于努力提高她的编织技能，Clara展示了申请文书中常见的成熟、毅力和自我意识。
最后，Clara的文章做到了完美的结尾，通过钩针编织串联起了整个宏大的时间线，做到了连接过去、现在和未来。即家族历史不仅影响了她现在的生活，还影响了她未来的大学目标。
10Francisco's Essay
Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.
I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I’ve never met in a place I’ve never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today’s theme was, “what’s something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn’t be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn’t care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn’t even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we’re going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.
This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don’t feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.
招生官点评
Francisco的申请文书《三天之前，我登上飞机》描述了他参加麻省理工学院的少数族裔工程与科学介绍计划（MITES），这成为他内省之旅的背景。故事始于一个看似微不足道的决定--因健康原因放弃牛奶--但很快演变成为那些改变生命的事件铺垫的比喻。
这篇文章巧妙地利用内在的转变来描绘一个夏天，它从根本上改变了Francisco对自己和与他人互动的看法。一开始，他对MITES项目感到紧张，因为他预料到这是一个非常竞争激烈的环境，这会让他感到更加孤独。在项目初期遇到的身体和心理困难--如轻微的胃溃疡和强烈的疏离感--加剧了他的担忧。
然而，在每周的“家庭会议”上，这些会议旨在鼓励成员之间坦率交流和支持，故事有了戏剧性的转折。在一个会议的主题“你身份中的重要特质是什么，使你独特？”的引导下，成员们开始分享越来越详细、更私密的故事，将聚会转变为一个充满共情和脆弱性的环境。Francisco深受同龄人坦诚分享个人问题的感动，这促使他重新考虑了自己与社区的关系，以及他如何在其中找到归属感。
Francisco的申请文书精彩地展示了社区和坦率对个人发展的重大影响。他的经历不仅证明了学习环境中安全空间的价值，还展示了共情的转变潜力。文末，Francisco已经成长为一个更加真实的自己，“Cisco”正如他的朋友们称呼他。他强调这段经历赋予了他自信，使他能够真正做自己，同时也赋予了他宝贵的社交技能、自我价值感和情感坚韧，这些将贯穿他的一生。
尽管Francisco的文书生动地叙述了一个转折性的夏季经历，但若能加入更多个人细节和背景信息，将有助于更全面地理解他的生活和经历。例如，可以介绍他对工程和科学的初步兴趣或者他之前在竞争中的经历。进一步展开MITES项目对他长远目标的影响，也将有助于文书的完善。此外，详细描述他在项目前后与同龄人的关系，将使他的社交成长更加清晰。这些补充细节将构建一个更完整和引人入胜的叙事，展示Francisco作为一个多面性个体的形象。
以上，就是带给大家的2023-2024申请季被哈佛大学录取学生的文书内容！
【竞赛报名/项目咨询+微信：mollywei007】
