好的文书到底有没有标准？
如果非要把这个标准去量化的话，那自然是没有的。但是，经历过申请的人都知道，一篇文书好与不好，打眼一看就能略知一二。 可是真正好（且免费查阅）的文书从哪里找呢？当申请季的你还在求学姐们要范文的时候，哈佛大学其实早就为你们准备好啦！
《The Crimson》，也就是哈佛校报，每年都会邀请哈佛新生分享自己的申请文书，并从中精选10篇最佳文书进行点评发布。这些文书虽然不能作为你参考的标准，但是一定程度上代表了大学招生官所寻求录取的学生的重要品质或特性，有非常高的参考价值。
2022年申请季，10篇精彩的官方范文如期而至。在这篇文章里，我们挑选了其中3篇风格不同的文章进行解析。
当然，你也可以从以下链接看到全部范文，以及往年的范文。相信你读得越多，越会感知到一篇好的文书究竟可以以怎样的方式呈现。同时，你也能感受到，其实一篇好的文书，真的没有那么的“高深莫测”。
? 10 Successful Harvard Application Essays | 2022
https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2022/
( 第一篇 )
Playing it Dangerous
In hazy stillness, a sudden flurry of colored skirts, whispers of “Merde!” Sternly, my fingers smooth back my hair, although they know no loose strands will be found. My skin absorbs heat from stage lights above—if only that heat would seep into my brain, denature some proteins, and deactivate the neurons stressing me out. A warm hand, accompanied by an even warmer smile, interrupts my frenzied solitude. I glance up. My lovely teacher nods, coaxing my frozen lips into a thawed smile. A complex figure, filled in with doubt, yet finished with shades of confidence: My body takes its place and waits. One, two, three, four; two, two, three, four. On stage, the lights and music wash over me. Never having had a true ballet solo before, my lungs are one breath away from hyperventilating. Trying to achieve a Zen-like state, I imagine a field of daisies, yet my palms continue sweating disobediently. It’s not that I’ve never been on stage alone before; I’ve had plenty of piano recitals and competitions. Yet, while both performances consume my mind and soul, ballet demands complete commitment of my body. Gently slide into arabesque and lean downward; try not to fall flat on face—Mom’s videotaping. In terms of mentality, I would hardly be described as an introvert; yet, a fear of failure has still kept me from taking risks. Maybe I was scared of leaping too high, falling too far, and hitting the hard floor. As I moved up in the cutthroat world of dance, this fear only increased; the pressure of greater expectations and the specter of greater embarrassment had held me contained. Now, every single eyeball is on me. Lean extra in this pirouette; it’s more aesthetic. But is it always better to be safe than sorry? Glancing toward the wings, I see my teacher’s wild gesticulations: Stretch your arms out, she seems to mime, More! A genuine smile replaces one of forced enthusiasm; alone on the stage, this is my chance to shine. I breathe in the movements, forget each individual step. More than just imagining, but finally experiencing the jubilation of the music, I allow my splits to stretch across the stage and my steps to extend longer and longer, until I’m no longer safe and my heart is racing. Exhilarated and scared in the best way, I throw myself into my jumps. I no longer need to imagine scenes to get in the mood; the emotions are twirling and leaping within me. Reaching, stretching, grabbing, flinging ... My fear no longer shields me. I find my old passion for ballet, and remember the grace and poise that can nevertheless convey every color of emotion. Playing it safe will leave me part of the backdrop; only by taking risks can I step into the limelight. Maybe I’ll fall, but the rush is worth it. I’ll captain an all-male science bowl team, run a marathon, audition for a musical, and embrace the physical and intellectual elation of taking risks.
? 官方点评："Superbly written in a distinct narrative form, this essay crafts an experience that is vibrant, funny, deep, and relatable."
Lisa创造了一篇成功的文章，她通过创造性的描述性散文成功地唤起了读者的真实情感，传达了生动的形象、发自内心的感受和健康的反省。我立刻把Lisa的寓言比作一只被困在封闭的笼子里的鸟；笼子比喻我们在生活中都要面对的东西，我们的恐惧。Lisa的第一次芭蕾独舞被精彩地诠释为她的"Aha时刻"，她摆脱了恐惧，并通过仔细的自我反思，选择了拥抱未来的风险。 在第1-3段中，Lisa通过她美丽、丰富的语言和想象力瞬间吸引了我们，因为她描绘了自己因压力、对失败和家庭/公众意见的恐惧而无法动弹。我感同身受，想要了解更多。她温暖的幽默感完美地闪耀着：想让自己的大脑神经元停用，提醒自己不要脸朝下摔倒，以免被母亲/家人责骂--做得很好！Lisa把她的"可爱的老师"作为她的立足点、舒适区和支持者，这是一个许多人都可以分享的主题。她的焦虑是可以理解的，她用这一点来解释她普遍厌恶风险的天性。 在第4-5段中，Lisa的独舞被描绘成她的决定性时刻，她在那里跳舞并实现了她的转变--恐惧变成了激情和兴奋。在这一刻，她是运动的诗，微笑着，摆脱恐惧，像一杯温暖的牛奶一样拥抱风险。她提出了一个尖锐的问题："但安全总是比遗憾好吗？"通过反省，Lisa表达了她希望追求能促进她个人发展的风险。她承认她不一定会成功，但"这种冲动是值得的"。Lisa最后举出了她将在大学里从事的领导角色和活动的具体例子--招生官对渴望走出舒适区并在大学里开始新的冒险/挑战的学生有好感。为了使这篇论文更有说服力，Lisa可以准确地强调她将如何解决在大学新的障碍中可能出现的任何恐惧，并与她在芭蕾舞中学到的教训联系起来。 这篇文章以独特的叙事形式写出了一种充满活力、有趣、深刻和可亲的体验。Lisa的品牌价值无缝地贯穿于文章中：创造力、决心、克服障碍、自我反省、在风险中成长，当然还有激情。我们留下了一个关于激励的光辉课程，希望能摆脱这种负面情绪，继续前进并取得更大的成就--"Playing it Dangerous"。
( 第二篇 )
The missing toe
James was not fitting in with everyone else. During lunch, he sat alone, playing with his own toys. During group activities, the other campers always complained when paired with him. What was wrong? As camp counselor, I quietly observed his behavior—nothing out of the ordinary. I just couldn’t fathom why the other campers treated him like a pariah. After three days of ostracism, James broke down during a game of soccer. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he slumped off the field, head in his hands. I jogged toward him, my forehead creased with concern. Some campers loudly remarked, “Why is that creep crying?” Furious indignation leaped into my heart. They were the ones who “accidentally” bumped into him and called him “James the Freak.” It was their cruelty that caused his meltdown, and now they were mocking him for it. I sharply told them to keep their thoughts to themselves. I squatted beside James and asked him what was wrong. Grunting, he turned his back to me. I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers. “I have a question,” I asked as James began to warm to me. I took a deep breath and dove right into the problem. “Why do the other campers exclude you?” Hesitantly, he took off his shoes and socks, and pointed at his left foot. One, two, three … four. He had four toes. We had gone swimming two days before: All the campers must have noticed. I remembered my childhood, when even the smallest abnormality—a bad haircut, a missing tooth—could cause others, including myself, to shrink away. I finally understood. But what could I do to help? I scoured my mind for the words to settle his demons. But nothing came to me. Impulsively, I hugged him—a gesture of intimacy we camp leaders were encouraged not to initiate, and an act I later discovered no friend had ever offered James before. Then, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. I assured him that external features didn’t matter, and that as long as he was friendly, people would eventually come around. I listed successful individuals who had not been hindered by their abnormalities. And finally, I told him he would always be my favorite camper, regardless of whether he had two, five, or a hundred toes. On the last day of camp, I was jubilant—James was starting to fit in. Although the teasing had not completely disappeared, James was speaking up and making friends. And when, as we were saying our good-byes, James gave me one last hug and proclaimed that I was his “bestest friend in the whole wide world,” my heart swelled up. From my campers, I learned that working with children is simply awesome. And from James, I learned that a little love truly goes a long way.
? 官方点评：“Charles not only communicates that he cares deeply for others, but also displays his thought process for how he solves problems in general.”
Charles描述了普遍存在的对某些人的排斥，并解释了他是如何与之斗争的。在他作为夏令营辅导员的个人叙述中，Charles不仅传达了他对他人的深切关怀，而且还展示了他如何解决一般问题的思维过程。他没有只是宣称这些个人特征，而是通过个人叙述来展示这些特征。以"展示"而非"讲述"的尖锐决定是一种优秀的文章策略。 首先，Charles以他对情况的描述开始。他的语气很随意，也很直白。他融入了关键的细节，但他的写作并不多余。他的文章简明扼要，易于理解。虽然这种方法似乎缺乏复杂性，但它反映了查尔的原始、真实的想法。读者可以感受到他的关切；Charles带领我们走过他真正的困境。此外，他所描述的善意行为——鼓舞人心的谈话、拥抱——提供了对他性格的洞察力。纳入这些细节的决定将Charles描绘成一个善良、聪明的人，在任何大学校园里都是有价值的。 此外，Charles不仅仅描述了他是如何解决这个特殊问题的，而且还将其扩展到一般的生活。他从一个看似平凡的经历中把握住了意义，并解释了它是如何改变他的整个心态的。这种自觉成长的能力表明，Charles有动力从所有的生活中学习；他是一个不仅仅在课堂上的学生。
( 第三篇 ) Homeless forThirteen Years
I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort. For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.” That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer. A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true? Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color. I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.
? 官方点评：“By being so honest, Eda showcases her genuine growth and maturity over time.”
诚实的。令人心碎。有力的。这是读完Eda的文章后首先想到的三个词。 我们喜欢Eda的文章的原因是其令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的大学论文是 "太 "完美的图片。Eda没有审查真相，即使承认她的内心想法可能会给她带来负面的影响。例如，她以她在父母床上哭泣的场景开始整个文章，将她的不幸归咎于他们。通过如此坦诚，Eda展示了她随着时间推移的真正成长和成熟。 在整个文章中，她的个人声音也很强烈。当她谈到爱上"那座黄房子"时，我们的脑海中就会自动浮现出这所房子的形象。当她说到她在得知"那座黄房子"被卖给另一个家庭后所经历的心碎，我们也感到心中的痛苦。她特意选择为我们"播放"她收到的语音邮件，并包括她随后的内心想法，进一步将我们拉到与她一起重温她的旅程。 然而，她不仅仅是告诉我们她的旅程。她强调了她的旅程是多么的非典型。她没有享受关于化妆品或鞋子的电话交谈，而是与经纪人谈论固定利率抵押贷款和首付......所有这些都是在13岁的时候。虽然她没有明确说明这一点（她不需要）：很明显，Eda不得不快速成长，因此成为一个更强大的个体。 她对"家"这个词的理解从头顶上的物理屋顶发展到更抽象的理解。家是她"记忆和笑声"存在的地方。最后，她接受了她父母所做的牺牲。学会为自己的成长经历感到骄傲，展示了Eda的进化。 Eda是一个会克服任何挑战的人，使她成为一个强有力的大学申请者。
? | 后 记 |
不知看过这些范文后的你会作何感想？ 做了这么多年文书辅导工作，也经历过不胜枚举的低分高录的结果（可以视为文书起到了让学生脱颖而出的作用），但我们仍不认为把文书写得出彩就等同于为你开启录取的大门。俗话说得好，打铁还需自身硬。
我们常建议学生在准备好硬实力的同时不要忽略了文书的重要性；但反过来讲，我们也不能期望单靠文书来实现逆风翻盘。
录取本身就是一个玄学的、综合的、理性结合感性的东西。只点睛不画龙，其实也没什么意义。只有做到各方面不偏不倚，才能期待这一笔“点睛”真正起到“画龙点睛”的作用，不是嘛？
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