首先再次恭喜涵同学本次托福考试破百，其中写作的28分对总分的贡献十分关键，也相当惊艳。作为涵同学写作科目的指导者，我将结合实际的教学经验和学生案例，来简要分析托福写作中高分段范围内各个档次文章之间的差距，希望能为力求托福写作冲高的学子们提供一些参考。
随着一年前托福改革，写作项目也完全变了答题节奏和答题思路，我本人也已经痛恨新版托福写作整整一年了。是的，自打学术讨论一出世，我就对它恨之入骨！为什么？因为它让整个托福考试很honest，换句话说，如果没有扎实的基本功，你甭想着在10分钟内写出一段像样的学术讨论。而基本功又是写作老师最难直接帮到学生的领域，如果基础差，只能拉长战线，慢慢积累语料，慢慢矫正语法。
不过，再honest的考试，还是经不住锲而不舍的学生和老师们孜孜不倦地研究和琢磨。经过长时间的摸索以及对大数量案例的分析，还是发现了一些纯基本功层面之外的因素在潜移默化地影响着托福写作分数，我将在下面一一列举。
22分段：让考官读懂了观点
学生案例（未经任何修改）：
I believe that the government should offer people with free job training because most of the people are unable to do any other jobs when the orginal job have been no longer needed them to do. Most of the people will be unemployed when they are being replaced by technologies like robot. So they will needed new skills to help them to find a new job for them to earn a living. Most of them already might have the money to live for a time period. However, the saving of these people might not be enough for them to find a class to teach them about new skills for them to find a new jobs. Thus, it will be necessary for the government to give free skills class on teaching these people to find a new job.
分析：
纵使句子磕磕绊绊，语法错误重重，但是至少第一句话简单明了地给出了对于教授问题的回应，还附加了一个还说得过去的理由。
并且第二句抽象变具体的尺度也把握得不错，从“job have been no longer needed them to do”到“they are being replaced by technologies like robot”。
但是再往后就不知道说啥了，从身为非母语者的角度来看，学生应该是说政府“授人以鱼不如授人以渔”，但是碍于语料贫瘠，整个后半段实在是表述不清，更没有起到继续发展观点的作用。
24分段：让考官觉得没太多废话
学生案例（未经任何修改）：
The discussion on whether a student should take a gap year before going to university draws a lot of discussion in recent years. From my perspective i agree with the statement that taking a gap year will be harmfal to the students. It's true and reasonable of Claire and Andrew's opinions that using gap year as a time to plan for the future and save money to go to university. Nevertheless, a lot of students are too young to decide their life goal, for example which job they will choose in the future. So don't go to university but taking a year to deciding without guidence is actually a waste of time. The university usually give every freshman a academic adviser and future plan. These services and teachers are professional enough to help the students find their goal and inspire to the study. In addition, learn from a experienced elder will save a lot of valued time of the young students. Also, universities have many helping projects for students that have troble on the fees. So it's actually don't need to take a year to save money for the university.
分析：
本段字数为190，吃了一些字数红利，但是内容上却不显得很空洞。具体来讲，虽然第一句是一句写了也不给分的“客套话”，但是接下来从对同行的反驳到自身观点的潜在问题的解决，一系列论据呈现的还是比较丝滑的。
本人认为，这一段的语法错误也不少，但是还能读起来比较顺的原因有两条：首先语法错误大多只是细微之处，没有太多句子结构的错误；其次，用词还算合理和准确，所以考官不容易“出戏”。
26分段：使考官读起来舒服
学生案例（未经任何修改）：
I would say that the widespread impact of such influences on the society is generally positive, and here are some reasons. First, the overall economy is greatly boosted by influencers, since those creators often sell products and services online in the live streaming rooms. In addition, the positive impact on the economy nearly spread to all industries, such as electronic devices, snacks, and healthcare services, which fosters several industries to flourish. Second, a group of like-minded people can get to know each other as long as they follow the same influence because some creators may establish online chatting groups and hold face-to-face meetings in real life. Thus, it fosters a sense of community among the people who have similar interests and hobbies. Third, individuals can get entertained and sometimes even motivated and encouraged to pursue their objectives, after watching certain positive videos or reading certain stories.
分析：
整个段落结构比较严谨，三个分论点（除了第三个外）都有比较充足的解释，再配合上复杂句和简单句之间的相互交织，行文节奏也不错。
其中更关键一点是：由于采取了多个分论点的方式来支撑，避免了单个论点支撑常出现的问题，比如例子尴尬，发展不明显，说服力差等。
那么一小部分长得帅的同学就会问了：10分钟你让我想三个分论点？那我的回答是：想两个还是比较容易的，这种情况下还可以在第二个分论点之后增加对同行的反驳，这样字数就有了保证，总比一个观点写到吐好很多。
28分段：令考官印象深刻
学生案例1（未经任何修改）：
I would say that extending human’s mutual respect to AI or other technological products that can provide daily assistance is not a compelling idea. First, AIs are created by human, which means that we are the masters of them by granting them the ability to think and language to communicate. However, we have not bestowed them lives, which are primarily defined by qualities such as mutual understanding and respect. Therefore, even when we treat them with respect, they can not respond in the same way, leading to disappointments and frustrations on human side. Second, the mutual respect between human individuals can promote cooperation and economic benefits, which can not be duplicated by that between a human and an AI. Specifically, human’s daily respectful behaviors and speeches can foster connections, communal emotions, and shared goals with each other, contributing to the overall social dynamics and economic developments. On the contrary, the dialogue between a machine and a human is a more unilateral one, with one side making orders and the other receiving them, producing no synergies and extra outcomes.
分析：
本段采取的就是两个分论点支撑，而且论点的合理性不言自喻。经常有老师会告诉学生：论点本身不重要，重要的是怎么表达论点。这话没毛病，但是只是中高分段没毛病。要想几乎满分甚至满分，论点本身的合理性一定是重要拼图之一。
另外，本段的语法和用词多样性也可以用出色来形容，也秀出了正反对比和因果链展开等论述手段，诸如此类的原因使其脱颖而出，可以让考官耷拉下来的眉目稍微上扬一下。
学生案例2（未经任何修改）：
To start with, the author indicates that the observation of TLP may be arandomexperimental error. On the contrary, the lecturer casts doubt on this theory, saying that if the occurrence of TLP is a random flaw, the reported data and the locations of the observed TLP should be random, too. However, the report does not show any random trend; instead, most TLPcaseshappen in exactly two locations so that TLP is likely to be a real phenomenon since it is closely associated with specific locations.
分析：
综合写作不是本贴文讨论的重点，但是还是附上一个28分段的理由段案例。
个人认为，本段字数虽不多，但是足以展现明确和直观的对立关系。任何一个没有看过阅读原文和听过听力原文的人都可以单从这一段里了解到双方对于一个现象的不同认知。这是优质综合写作的基本素质，同时又是大多数学生难以达到的标准。
需要注意的是，任何技巧和策略都是以基本功作为基础和前提，抛开这两者谈提分就是耍流氓！
回顾以上所有案例，大多数都是需要学生一定程度的语料积累和观点广度，只不过在此基础之上，还应该去适当了解考官的喜好和官方标准的暗示，否则就是浪费天赋。
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