哈佛录取范文文书分享

例文和翻译在最后,想先读原文的可以直接跳过。

最近太忙,公号分享有点拖。前几天与同学和家长聊文书,其中三篇的人物都有爸爸,虽然不是主写,但也少不了爸爸这个重要角色的作用。交流思考间,我不禁又想到了这篇“大象爸爸”(也是我的榜样),索性分享给大家。

为什么申请主文书写人的少?因为文书的目的是向招生官展示作者是怎样一个人,而在把其它人当作主题时,就很容易写偏,或者硬生生写成一种“他/她是怎样的人,如何影响了我”这种相对枯燥,且缺乏说服力的模式。

当然,如果非要写,众多人物中,爸爸是个非常好的选择(妈妈也是)。因为儿女和父母有最天然的亲密关系和最多的相处时间。一个十六七岁的青少年,在梳理自己的成长经历,思考自己是怎样一个人时,想到这一层已是一种觉悟。

只是,难写啊。那不妨来读读这篇范文,看看有哪些启发。

首先,立意时,高度要足够。爸爸带给儿女的东西或者影响,不应是世俗意义上的,而该是精神层面里的;不应是一次性的进步,而是会持续一生的动力。这篇文书中总结的“他始终如一、毫不动摇的温柔关怀”,我认为比什么都好。

其次,典型场景描写。从儿时最爱的大象爸爸游戏,饭后充满安全感的躺爸爸身上看节目,到长大后一起深夜吃冰淇凌愉快聊天,这三个轻松且又充满温情细节的场景,不仅给了我们愉悦的阅读体验,更是对 “他始终如一、毫不动摇的温柔关怀”最有力的支撑。

多说一句,作为爸爸,谁不希望与自己的儿子有这样的时刻?

另外,作者说大象爸爸游戏是“我一天中最喜欢的部分”,相信这句话会触到很多读者心中柔软的地方。曾经有位校长在会上谈到学生午间爱买奶茶的“乱象”时,提醒老师们:“你们别只看到造成的管理问题,这可能是他们一天中最快乐的时间。”文书就是要写作者“最”的部分。

然后,“夹带私货”是文书写作中常有的做法。第二段讲和爸爸看电视节目时,为什么节目是“亚瑟王手下挥舞着一把塑料剑,身材矮小的金发兰斯洛特的决斗,或者是历史频道的纪录片”?不排除作者对这个最有印象,但我更认为作者想借此告诉招生官自己对历史的兴趣从小而来。

最后,巧妙的写作和用词。不论是前三个场景还是后两段总结,作者的写作生动、深刻、富有感染力。比如,倒数第二段“But not my daddy”,前面讲朋友的是father,而我的是daddy,作者并不急于表明自己已经长大,一个词就足以说明他和爸爸的亲近关系和对爸爸的钦佩之情。

以下是例文和翻译:

Elephant Daddy

大象爸爸

1996

The appointed hour approaches. I crouch anxiously behind the door. He arrives. Like a cheetah pouncing on its prey, I tense every muscle in my body as I leap onto his torso and cling on desperately. Boiling with emotion, I scream, “Elephant Daddy!” My victim and I start gushing with laughter, buzzing with giggles as he carries an elated six-year-old on his back like an elephant. Though it signals the conclusion of the favorite part of my day, I am as content as can be as I plod onto the couch and the ride draws to a close.

约定的时间临近了。我焦急地蹲在门后。他来了。就像猎豹扑向猎物一样,我绷紧了身体的每一块肌肉,跳上他的躯干,拼命地抓住他。我激动地大叫:“大象爸爸!”我的受害者和我开始开怀大笑,当他像大象一样背着一个兴高采烈的六岁孩子时,咯咯地笑个不停。虽然这标志着我一天中最喜欢的部分的结束,但我还是很满足,我拖着沉重的脚步走到沙发上,骑行结束了。

Soon he reemerges, taking a seat at the kitchen table. I prance over to join him, my sister, and my mom for dinner. Elephant Dad’s post dinner activities are varied. They might include a duel with a small, blond-haired Lancelot wielding a plastic sword in the employ of King Arthur, or a History Channel documentary with an impressionable little boy lying snugly across his body, soothed by the gentle rise and fall of his chest, comforted by the steady rhythm of his heart.

不久,他又出现了,在厨房的桌子旁坐下。我跳过去和他、妹妹和妈妈一起吃晚饭。大象爸爸的餐后活动是多种多样的。其中可能包括与亚瑟王手下挥舞着一把塑料剑,身材矮小的金发兰斯洛特的决斗,或者是历史频道的纪录片,一个易受影响的小男孩紧紧地横躺在他的身上,他胸部轻柔的起伏让男孩感到平静,他心脏稳定的节奏让男孩感到安慰。

2008

The last in the house to go to bed, my father and I are snacking on mint-chocolate chip ice cream over the kitchen table as the clock strikes midnight. We share stories about the day that has passed and plans for the day that will be, intermittently swapping bits of advice and pieces of encouragement. At times we are serious and concerned. At times we are burning off the calories from the ice cream as we laugh the visceral, belly-based laugh common to us both. All this time, though, we are relishing our time together. Just like we did twelve years ago at that same table, just like we will for as long as life and circumstance allow.

我和父亲是家里最后上床睡觉的人,当午夜的钟声敲响时,我们在厨房的桌子上吃着薄荷巧克力片冰淇淋。我们分享过去的一天的故事和即将到来的一天的计划,时而交换一些建议和鼓励。有时,我们是认真和关切的。有时候,我们在笑的时候会消耗掉吃冰淇淋所摄入的卡路里,这种发自内心的笑是我们两个人都有的。但一直以来,我们都很享受在一起的时光。就像我们12年前在同一张桌子上做的一样,只要生活和环境允许,我们就会这样做。

Many of my friends say their father has influenced them by pushing them to run the proverbial extra mile en route to some generic, idealized form of success. But not my daddy. His constant and unwavering supply of tender attention has not only given me the confidence to pursue whatever dreams waltz into my mind, but to stay level-headed and to take life in jest, in stride. If Shakespeare was right when he said, “All the world is a stage/And all the men and women merely players,” my father has taught me to stay humble and collected amid tragedy and triumph alike, to smile at the end of each scene.

我的许多朋友说,他们的父亲对他们的影响是鼓励他们在通往某种通用的、理想化的成功的道路上多跑一英里。但我的爸爸不是。他始终如一、毫不动摇的温柔关怀,不仅给了我追求心中梦想的信心,也让我保持头脑冷静,从容地对待生活。如果莎士比亚说的“整个世界是一个舞台,所有的男男女女都只是演员”是对的,那么我父亲教导我在悲剧和胜利中都要保持谦逊和镇定,在每一场戏结束时都要微笑。

While his spine doesn’t enjoy all 215 pounds of my company, I don’t consider it an anachronism when I continue to refer to my father as “Elephant Dad.” For in my cultures, the elephant is a symbol of sagacity, a creature with a reservoir of wisdom between its flopping ears. And now, as I prepare to leave my home of eighteen years, I realize all the beautiful lessons Elephant Dad has taught me, lessons he somehow managed to sew into the fabric of my most cherished, emotional childhood memories.

虽然他的脊柱已不喜欢我215磅的陪伴,但当我继续称我父亲为“大象爸爸”时,我不认为这是一个时代错误。因为在我的文化中,大象是智慧的象征,是一种在耷拉着的两耳之间蕴藏着智慧的生物。现在,当我准备离开我生活了18年的家时,我意识到大象爸爸教给我的所有美好的教训,他以某种方式将这些教训缝进了我最珍贵的、情感丰富的童年记忆中。

【竞赛报名/项目咨询请加微信:mollywei007】

上一篇

前招生官总结:国内11年级学生常犯的申请“误区”

下一篇

什么是AP课?AP课的特点和好处说明

你也可能喜欢

  • 暂无相关文章!

评论已经被关闭。

插入图片
返回顶部