文书是留学申请中非常重要的一环，哈佛大学每年会在官网公布一些优秀文书的范例，并附上专业的点评。本文中整理了一篇文书的原文和点评，供大家参考～
文书原文
Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.
在我准备乘飞机去全国各地旅行的前三天，我突然戒掉了牛奶。我去脊椎按摩师那里做了一次全身检查。我知道我有脊柱侧弯和其他问题；然而，我了解到，因为我过量，至少可以说，摄入牛奶，我的身体已经产生了激素失衡。我决定为了我的健康完全停止喝牛奶，尽可能避免乳制品。我一点也不知道，这只是一个变化的夏天的开始；三天后，我登上飞机，前往马萨诸塞州参加少数族裔工程与科学入门课程（MITES）。
I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I’ve never met in a place I’ve never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything.
由于我过去的经历，我认为大多数人都会有不健康的好胜心。我想我还是一个人待着，做好我的工作，回来时不会有什么不同。住在一栋楼里，和80个我从未见过面的人住在一个我从未去过的地方，同时做出重大的生活方式改变并不容易。最初的几天并不好：我得了轻微的胃溃疡，很尴尬，我觉得不适应。然而，在第一个星期四晚上，一切都开始改变。每周四晚上，我们有“家庭会议”，在这个特别的周四，我们机器学习课的一部分在一起工作，时间到了，我们要去食堂参加这个“家庭会议”。老实说，一开始我们很害怕，“我有工作要做”是最常见的说法。我们了解到“家庭会议”是一个安全的空间，我们可以谈论任何事情。
Today’s theme was, “what’s something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded.
今天的主题是，“你的身份中有什么重要的东西让你与众不同？”但谈话很快就发展到更多的内容。人们谈到失去家庭成员，在家里被冷落，对自己的皮肤感到不舒服等等。很多人都敞开了心扉，我很荣幸能得到这样的信任。会议结束时，房间里充满了同情和温暖。
Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn’t be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn’t care for me.
在我的余光中，我看到我的一个机器学习同学伊兹（Izzy）冲回会议室。我意识到有些不对劲。我本能地跟着她回到了我们工作的地方。伊兹坐了下来，立刻崩溃了，我们其他人也纷纷进来，她开始讲述出了什么事。感觉好像有一辆救护车停在我的胸口，我的呼吸又短又急促。我很害怕；害怕我的支持不够好，害怕表现出我的关心，害怕他们不关心我。
In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn’t even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we’re going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.
在这一刻，我所有的不安全感，有些我甚至不知道我有，浮出水面。人们的支持和拥抱打破了沉寂的啜泣。我们都开始分享我们正在经历的事情，甚至我们过去的一些创伤。慢慢地，我的胸口的重量被卸下来了。我觉得舒服，我觉得被需要，我觉得安全。
This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don’t feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.
这是我第一次真正感到自信、强大和被爱。我周围都是比我聪明的人，但我并不因此而感到自卑。我变成了真正的弗朗西斯科，或者他们叫我西斯科。现在，在任何时候，我都是毫无歉意的自己。差别是白天和黑夜。随着项目的进展，我感到更加舒适和安全，甚至可以在家庭会议上发言。这些人，这个家庭，对我很好。我获得了无价的自信、社交技巧、自我价值感、同理心和坚韧不拔的精神，这些都将伴随我度过余生。在经历了这一切之后，不知怎么的，减少我饮食中最大的一部分成为了我夏天中影响最小的一部分。
文章整理自哈佛官网，作者为Francisco
https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2024/
专业文书点评
Francisco's essay, "Three Days Before I Got on a Plane," describes his involvement in the Minority Introduction to Engineering and Science (MITES) program at M.I.T., which serves as the backdrop for his introspective voyage. The story starts with a seemingly minor decision—giving up milk for health reasons—but it soon turns into a metaphor for the life-changing events that transpire. The essay skillfully makes use of this internal transformation to set up a summer that would fundamentally alter Francisco's perception of himself and his interactions with others. He is first nervous about the MITES program because he anticipates a very competitive setting that would make him feel even more alone. The physical and psychological difficulties he encounters early in the program—such as minor stomach ulcers and a strong sense of alienation—reinforce this worry.
弗朗西斯科的文章《我上飞机的三天前》描述了他参加麻省理工学院的少数族裔工程与科学入门课程（MITES），这是他自省之旅的背景。故事从一个看似微不足道的决定开始——出于健康原因放弃牛奶——但它很快就变成了一个隐喻，隐喻了发生的改变生活的事件。这篇文章巧妙地利用了这种内在的转变来设定一个夏天，这个夏天将从根本上改变弗朗西斯科对自己的看法以及他与他人的互动。他首先对MITES项目感到紧张，因为他预料到竞争非常激烈的环境会让他感到更加孤独。他在项目早期遇到的生理和心理上的困难——比如轻微的胃溃疡和强烈的疏离感——加剧了他的担忧。
But at the program's weekly "Family Meetings," which are meant to encourage candid conversation and support among members, the story takes a dramatic turn. Here is when Francisco undergoes a significant transformation. One meeting's theme, "what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?" expands into increasingly detailed, intimate revelations, turning the gathering into an environment of empathy and vulnerability. Francisco is extremely touched by the candor with which his peers have shared their personal issues, and this prompts him to reconsider how he approaches the program and his peers in general.
但在该项目每周举行的“家庭会议”上，故事发生了戏剧性的转变。“家庭会议”旨在鼓励成员之间的坦诚交谈和支持。这里是弗朗西斯科经历重大转变的地方。其中一个会议的主题是“你的身份中有什么重要的东西让你与众不同？”，这个主题扩展成了越来越详细、私密的揭露，把会议变成了一个充满同情和脆弱的环境。弗朗西斯科被他的同龄人坦率地分享他们的个人问题所感动，这促使他重新考虑他如何对待这个项目和他的同龄人。
Francisco's essay does a fantastic job of illustrating how community and candid conversation can have a significant impact on personal development. His experience serves as a testament to both the value of safe spaces in learning environments and the transformational potential of empathy. By the time the essay comes to an end, Francisco has grown as a person and acknowledges that he is now "the true Francisco," or "Cisco" as his friends call him. He highlights how this experience has given him the confidence to be authentically himself and has given him priceless social skills, self-worth, and emotional fortitude that he will use throughout his life.
弗朗西斯科的文章很好地说明了社区和坦诚的对话如何对个人发展产生重大影响。他的经历证明了学习环境中安全空间的价值和同理心的转化潜力。当文章结束时，弗朗西斯科已经成长为一个人，并承认他现在是“真正的弗朗西斯科”，或者像他的朋友们称呼他的那样“西斯科”。他强调了这段经历如何给了他做真实自己的信心，并给了他无价的社交技巧、自我价值和情感坚韧，他将在他的一生中使用。
Although Francisco's essay effectively recounts a transformative summer experience, it could be enhanced by the inclusion of additional personal details and background information to provide a more comprehensive understanding of his life and experiences. Valuable context could be provided by including specifications about his initial interest in engineering and science or his prior experiences with competitiveness. Expanding on how the MITES program influenced his long-term goals would further enhance the essay. Additionally, elaborating on his relationships with peers both before and after the program would offer a clearer picture of his social growth. These additional details would create a more complete and compelling narrative—presenting Francisco as a multifaceted individual.
虽然弗朗西斯科的文章有效地叙述了一个具有变革意义的暑假经历，但如果能加入更多的个人细节和背景信息，可以让他对自己的生活和经历有更全面的了解。有价值的背景可以通过包括他对工程和科学的最初兴趣或他之前的竞争经验的说明来提供。扩展MITES计划如何影响他的长期目标将进一步增强文章。此外，详细说明他在课程前后与同龄人的关系，可以更清楚地了解他的社交成长情况。这些额外的细节将创造一个更完整和引人注目的叙述-将弗朗西斯科作为一个多方面的个体呈现出来。
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