眼看2022年转眼又过了1/4了，对于大部分12年级的VCE考生来说，眼看马上又要迎来这一学年的第一场SAC考试，Text Response (TR) 的作品分析就在眼前了，也许有些同学已经考完了，但考虑到这部分在最后大考中的重要性，大家依然可以一道再来探究一下这部分的要点哦。
VCE EAL TR官方评分标准再现
在VCAA出题官方给出的评分标准中，我们可以看出VCE EAL考官对于三点是非常看中的：
第一条：要体现对于题目的理解和作品中有关内容的运用
第二条：对于清晰的分析结构的要求
第三条：文章行文思路清晰，有理由据，并且运用一定的书面语言
从此我们不难看出，VCE EAL考官对考生们文章的结构思路上还是很重视的，而这一点也是相对比较有规律可循的。那么如何能把段落观点思路写得更清晰并且避免最常见的扣分点呢？我们下面就来分析一下~
VCE EAL TR | 最常见扣分点
——复述原文内容（Story-telling）
TR 这部分的基本写法和结构在之前的推文中都有提到，没看过的请大家搜索回看之前的文章。今天的这篇文章我们主要来解决一下大部分VCE EAL学生头痛的，也是最常见的，但同时扣分最多的点，那就是story-telling。
相信很多同学们经常看到老师的批语上面写Story-telling过多，而缺乏分析（analysis），于是被扣分，让很多同学不明所以，认为自己已经在解释分析了，那么问题到底出在哪呢？
VCE EAL TR｜如何定义story-telling
Story-telling 即你在一个段落写作的时候有一半或以上的内容是对作品内容的描述或总结。错误地认为老师或考官并不熟悉你要写的作品，然而总结性的语言过多，段落重心偏移，会导致学生更容易跑题。
因此这是最主要的VCE EAL TR写作的扣分项，所以我们应该把时间集中在对作品题目直接做出回应，并针对文本相关内容进行的全面分析。
VCE EAL TR｜story-telling的主要解决方法:尝试多用元语言（Metalanguage）
什么是元语言呢？常见的有文本背景Setting，人物特点Characters， 象征手法Symbolism，Irony 反讽等。在写作中包含Metalanguage 时,我们是很难单纯复述原文的，下面我们通过作品《十二怒汉》即“Twelve Angry Men”中的两个写作片段来进行一个对比：
题目 “Twelve Angry Men explores the importance of moral responsibility. Discuss.”
➲第一段，带有Story-telling 问题的段落：
The importance of moral responsibility is shown through those who fail to possess any sense of decency or righteousness. The 3rd juror has had an estranged relationship with his son for 2 years. He does not get along with his son since the son is disrespectful to his father. This is unlike the 3rd juror, who used to show respect to his elders by calling his father ‘sir’ going up. He is ashamed of his son since his son once ran away from a fight which made the 3rd juror ‘almost thr[o]w up’. As a result of his personal problems with his child, he sees the defendant as another young kid that needs punishment for his wrongdoings. He believes that ‘we’d be better off if we took these tough kids and slapped ’em down before they make trouble, you know?’. Since he is blinded by his own experience, he lacks the moral responsibility required to be a juror on the trial.
这个段落上面的学生对情节进行了冗长的解释，并没有专注于题目中的关键字，即 “Moral responsibility”（道德责任）的重要性。
➲同样现在让我们看看下面的例子。讨论基于相同的主题句，但是这一次，以下学生专注于将文本内容利用起来进行分析，并合理运用元语言：
The importance of moral responsibility is shown through those who fail to possess any sense of decency or righteousness. The 3rd juror is shown to be someone who is arrogant and narrow-minded as a direct result of a troubled relationship with his own son. Although he is personally unacquainted with the defendant, he draws a parallel between the youngster with his own young son, stating that ‘we’d be better off if we took these tough kids and slapped ’em down before they make trouble, you know?’. Irony is presented when he asserts that ‘everybody deserves a fair trial’ since he is the juror that adopts the most prejudice towards the case, thus demonstrating his failure to possess righteousness. His shortcomings are further highlighted through the stage directions whereby he ‘shouts’ and ‘leap(s) into the breach’, displaying his lack of interest in other jurors’ opinions as he is adamant that his view that the defendant is guilty is indeed, correct. Therefore, it is clear through his narrow-mindedness that he has little sense of moral responsibility.
从这里我们重点标注出来的部分可以看出，这个段落片段其中包含了很多细节的分析和Metalanguage ：
➯比如“The 3rd juror is shown to be someone who is arrogant and narrow-minded”是开头对于Characters （性格特点）的分析，并且也逐步体现了他缺乏道德感与责任感的特点。
➯再比如“Irony”的手法，体现他言行和思想不一致的特点，为最后再次强调点题（linking）“his narrow-mindedness that he has little sense of moral responsibility”打下了文本例证的基础。
很明显，这个段落整体由三号陪审员的性格特点、根深蒂固的偏见以及狭隘的心理逐步展开，对应他缺乏道德感与责任感的特点，因此带来的缺乏公平性的后果（fail to possess any sense of decency or righteousness）。
所以我们可以看出，虽然三号陪审员属于缺乏道德感与责任感的反例，但他的行为所带来的后果恰恰证明了拥有道德感与责任感的重要性。因此这个段落是点题的，并且成功利用元语言对案例角色进行分析，达到足够的分析深度，摆脱了原文复述的问题，因此可以拿到相对较高的分数。
VCE EAL TR作品分析小结
最后想再提醒大家，在VCE EAL TR写作中，由于原文复述从而导致影响分析深度以及不能有效扣题的问题十分普遍，也非常容易导致扣分。我们一定要努力加以避免，才能在保证基础分数的同时拿到让自己更加满意的分数哦！
如果大家想要更多的VCE EAL高分例文、SAC考前批改或者润色一下自己的文章，快速修正问题的话，欢迎联系我们，我们会让你们快速掌握LA和TR的写作逻辑框架以及听力答题技巧，为你的VCE大考保驾护航！
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